How To Find Courage When Life Is Challenging: "Courage Is Fear Walking"

The Goldfinch: A symbol of courage

Earlier this week, I started my research about Courage to compose this piece (the next in my "12 Gifts of Your Third Act" series) in view of the stresses and challenges we are each experiencing as a result of the COVID-19 outbreak.  

It's my hope that this piece, and those that follow, can inspire you to : maintain an optimistic mindset, live in each moment with as little stress and fear as possible, and  think through your actions and emotional responses to help you prudently navigate to the other side.  

As I poured through some of the over 323 million search results about Courage, a Ted Talk about emotional agility , "The Gift of Emotional Courage",  by Harvard Medical School psychologist, Susan David (below) stood out and spoke to me on a deep level. 

It compelled me to share my cancer journey in hopes that exploring the emotions I experienced during this challenge could be of guidance to you; encouraging you to open up to your emotions rather than distance yourself from them.

Sometimes, being in touch with the messiest and most frightening emotions can, in fact , be a source of courage and resilience.   In other words, Fear can breed Courage.

My story: 
When I was diagnosed with a rare cancer 2 years ago, I call it my "lightning strike" moment, it awoke within me a broad range of emotions that I’d buried for much of my life.  I had always thought that to admit fear was to accept it and be ruled by it, and that to feel sadness, anger, dependency and vulnerability could destroy me.

I learned that the opposite is true and this has been one of my life's most precious gifts.

With my diagnosis, I most certainly was optimistic about my outcome.  And, as everyone recommends to you when you get cancer, I tried to "think positive."  I also opened-up to the rawest of human emotions.  I now see that allowing for all of my emotions - the positive and the negative - was what truly brought me through the challenges and gave me my health, clarity and deep gratitude. 

I was afraid - that I would leave this earth not having experienced and done all that I knew I was here to do and contribute, that my dear daughter would not have a mother and that my grandchildren would not know their grandmother.

I was angry - at my original doctors who dismissed my symptoms across repeated visits,  recommending expensive modalities instead of suggesting I see an ENT,  which eventually led to my correct diagnosis.

I felt guilt and regret -  because I attributed my lack of sleep and workaholic tendencies as the building blocks of this cancer, since I had, for so many years, filled my days and nights with high amounts of stress in my approach to work.

I felt sadness  - in anticipation of what I could lose and selfishly, the future joyful moments that I may not get a chance to experience; my daughter's marriage, holding my grandchildren and even simple things like the blooming of the lilacs and the flurry of goldfinches at my bird-feeder each spring.

Then....

I lived Courage.

I was filled with Hope, not fear.  

I took leaps of faith - Faith in my gifted, caring doctors, in the chemo and radiation technicians, in the healing skills of my reiki master practitioner, in my friends and family, and especially in each cell of my body to heal me.  I felt as though the Universe was paving my path ahead, and I trusted its direction.

I focussed on staying calm  and let hope fuel and heal me - knowing that fear, anxiety and stress would negatively impact my health by suppressing my immune system and that positivity would strengthen it.  And, I knew that my immunity had to be at its peak for me to prevail.

I took care of myself and my thoughts - taking control of my diet, my sleep, and my thoughts gave me a strong sense of empowerment and strength.

I did not deny (nor dwell on) the painful emotions -  I used them to fuel me with the Courage, Faith and Resilience that have been the greatest gifts of my life.  Without being in touch with these feelings, I know that their denial would have caused me to be rigid, isolated and even more afraid.

I saw this cancer as a gift for my life, an awakening and an opportunity for growth - in the face of challenge and hardship. I call these life-defining events my “lighting strike” moments. Facing adversity and struggles brings clarity around our priorities and our purpose, fills us with gratitude and amazement for life on the most basic level, bestows us with resilience and vision to see each day and the days ahead as beautiful opportunities for growth.

A Ted Talk Video on Courage to Inspire you:

VIDEO PICK:

The Gift & Power of Emotional Courage - Harvard Medical School Psychologist Susan David.In this talk, Psychologist Susan David, says that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions — even the messy, difficult ones — is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness.  In the talk, she shares that the way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health and happiness. In this deeply moving, humorous and potentially life-changing talk, she challenges a culture that prizes positivity over emotional truth and discusses the powerful strategies of emotional agility. “Courage is fear walking,” says Psychologist Susan David, challenging her audience to embrace, not deny their true emotions.